On March 12 more than 60 adults heard Dr. Ted Feinberg and a panel talk about bullying behavior and what parents can do about it. Dr. Feinberg is the Assistant Executive Director for Professional Development for the National Association of School Psychologists. Prior to his appointment in 2000, he served as Director of Albany Counseling and Crisis Intervention Services and the Senior Psychologist for the North Colonie Schools near Albany, New York. Three guidance counselors served on the panel: Marge Bleiweis of Churchill Road Elementary, Judy Bryden of Cooper Middle, and Boggs Wright of McLean High. The following information was provided at the meeting or in Dr. Feinberg’s handout.

Andrea Cohen and Andrea Canter of the National Association of School Psychologists state that "bullying is the most common form of violence in our society; between 15 and 30% of students are bullies or victims." In virtually every violent death in schools in the last ten years, bullying was a factor. A bully is someone who "directs physical, verbal, or psychological aggression or harassment toward others, with the goal of gaining power over or dominating another individual." Bullying is more prevalent in boys than girls but, Dr. Feinberg states, the gap is narrowing.

Victims tend to be one of three types: 1) passive (submissive, cautious, anxious, few friends, physically weak), 2) provocative (aggressive, argumentative, easily emotionally aroused, prolongs the conflict even when they are losing, often has Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, and 3) vicarious (feels vulnerable as a potential target, feels badly when he/she sees others bullied, doesn’t take a stand against bullying and feels guilty later). Cohen and Cantor report that "victims have a higher prevalence of overprotective parents or school personnel; as a result, they often fail to develop their own coping skills." Victims often have an "I deserve it" attitude and don’t report bullying incidents to adults.

Direct, physical bullying increases in elementary school, peaks in middle school, and declines in high school. Judy Bryden noted that even pre-schoolers can be bullies. According to Boggs Wright, by high school age, the system tends to correct itself when peers no longer consider physical bullying to be a popular behavior. On the other hand, verbal abuse and the "silent treatment" remain serious problems at all ages and are the more prevalent forms of bullying in this community. In response to a question, Boggs Wright said that bullying by one ethnic group toward another is not an issue in this community.

What characterizes bullying behavior compared to normal peer interaction? The chart below distinguishes the two:

Normal Peer Conflict	Bullying
Equal power or friends	Imbalance of power, not friends
Happens occasionally	Repeated negative actions
Accidental	Purposeful
Not serious	Serious; threat of physical or emotional harm
Equal emotional reaction	Strong emotional reaction from victim and little or no emotional reaction from bully
Not seeking power or attention	Seeking power, control, or material things
Not trying to get something	Attempt to gain material things or power
Remorse; takes responsibility	No remorse—blames victim
Effort to solve problem	No effort to solve problem

Why do some children become bullies? Dr. Feinberg said the behavior is often related to the amount of adult supervision the children receive and whether they witness physical or emotional abuse in their home. Parents and teachers who observe bullying behavior and do nothing to stop it reinforce the behavior. Bullying is more prevalent in environments dominated by negative feedback and negative attention. Dr. Feinberg believes the media’s focus on violence has contributed to the prevalence of bullying. He also believes that communities that place too much emphasis on academics and not enough on social development tend to see a higher incidence of bullying.

Fairfax County has an extensive program designed to prevent and eliminate bullying behavior. All three counselors mentioned the handbook on student rights and responsibilities. School staff devote a lot of time the first couple of weeks of school each year to explain what is acceptable and unacceptable behavior. All schools then have supplemental programs to reinforce these lessons throughout the year. Churchill Road, through its Churchill Manor program, offers lessons in building a culture of respect to counter bullying and harassment, and a culture where older students look out for younger ones. Churchill’s "Be a Star" program teaches assertiveness. Through role plays, students are told that they empower a bully if they observe but do nothing. Teachers explain that it is wrong to observe bullying without doing anything to stop it. Cooper focuses on getting school staff to model good behavior and stresses to students the importance of telling an adult if bullying occurs. Boggs Wright mentioned its McLeadership program, sponsored by SCC. The mentoring program matches 50 freshmen with 50 seniors and involves peer helping, peer mediation, sexual harassment lessons, and the need to model proper behavior. Boggs Wright believes that the county does "a pretty good job" of creating a sense of safety for its students. Dr. Feinberg said that schools try to work with bullies to get them to admit that victims have feelings, that they are inflicting pain, and that their peers consider their behavior unacceptable. Schools will recommend that bullies with deep-seated problems obtain professional help.

Fairfax County has a zero tolerance program for bullying behavior, and there are serious consequences for persistent behavior. However, Dr. Feinberg noted that suspension or expulsion is not a good remedy for bullies since they are unlikely to learn better behavior out on the street.

Despite these programs, many parents in the audience cited incidents where students did tell an adult of a bullying incident at school and nothing was done. Marge Bleiweis responded that sometimes a teacher does talk to a bully without the reporting student knowing about it. If the teacher doesn’t hear anything more, she/he thinks the problem was resolved. The victim must continue to report because the consequences typically escalate if no action is taken. If one teacher is unresponsive (and national data indicate that one-quarter of all teachers see nothing wrong with bullying), the student needs to report to someone else until the behavior stops. If the student won’t make the report, the parent should. Victims need to be reminded that they are not only helping themselves. Typically, bullies pick on more than one victim so other victims would be helped as well. Marge Bleiweis said that sometimes teachers will check back with a victim to learn if bullying has stopped and the victim won’t admit that it is still continuing. In response to a question whether the victim’s parent should call the bully’s parent, all the speakers advised that such an action is a calculated risk. Dr. Feinberg noted that the child may be a reflection of the parent, and Boggs Wright added that such a call might just make matters worse.

Parents also mentioned the problem of bullying on school buses, and the perception that some children get preferential treatment because their parents are volunteers in their classrooms. Class sizes are too large, they said, for teachers to witness all the behavior between students. A parent complained that in one incident, the bully was punished but the school did not tell the parent and no help was given to the victim.

Cohen and Cantor provide the following advice to parents:

• Contact the school’s psychologist, counselor or social worker and ask for help around bullying or victimization concerns. Become involved in school programs to counteract bullying.

• Provide positive feedback to children for appropriate interactions and model behavior that does not include bullying or aggressive interactions.

• Use alternatives to physical punishment, such as the removal of privileges, as a consequence for bullying behavior.

• Stop bullying behavior as it is happening and begin working on appropriate social skills early.

Boggs Wright said the number one action parents can take is to teach their child empathy. A parent mentioned that parents can help their children observe behavior in others and identify which behaviors are most effective. The panel also advised parents to teach their children to take action when they observe bullying. Parents can help children realize that reporting bullying behavior is not tattling since someone’s physical or emotional well-being is in jeopardy. Dr. Feinberg mentioned a good book on bullying, Bullies are a Pain in the Brain. Contact the National Association of School Psychologists at www.nasponline.org for further information.