On December 1, 2004, Langley High School’s and Cooper Middle School’s Guidance Departments held a panel discussion sponsored by the Safe Community Coalition on stress, how it affects students, and what parents can do. Marilyn Seiber, Vice-President of SCC, welcomed attendees. Panel members then introduced themselves: Jason McBeth, a school psychologist at Langley; Cynthia Meade, Director of Student Services at Langley; Michele Boak, Director of Student Services at Cooper; and Susan Gorin, executive director of the National Association of School Psychologists.

The Problem
Jason McBeth said that stressors build on one another. Daily hassles often become more traumatic for the body than a single catastrophic event. Stress becomes a problem when it is maladaptive—when students no longer get along with peers or their family, and grades decline. Major stressors are academic pressures and homework. Coping skills wear out. Student can’t articulate verbally so they exhibit behaviorally. They become much more susceptible to high risk behaviors such as self-cutting (seen as a release or coping mechanism these days as opposed to a precursor to suicide in former times). Ninth grade girls may be preyed upon by older boys and be subject to significant social pressure. Bullying becomes much more subtle for girls: a look or body language is meant to be, and often is, devastating. Instant messaging is an enormous source of stress; students write what they wouldn’t say, and can send messages that appear to come from someone else. Parents exert pressure on their students through expectations that students try to live up to. Stress can lead to school phobia, sleep deprivation, and fever. Drinking is part of teen culture here and many students use it as a form of release and relaxation.

Services Available at the School
Michele Boak said that Cooper is organized by teams, which serve as support groups for the students. Mobile Team Challenge, a low ropes course, is used in classrooms to give students some fun, yet at the same time teach them how to plan and get along in diverse groups. Cynthia Meade said that Langley counselors are the first line of help. Counselors will identify a student who is suffering from stress. The school will form a Child Study Committee composed of the counselor, school psychologist, social worker, and parent. They will develop a plan to reduce stress, and may involve specific teachers. The counselor may counsel the student or the school psychologist may meet regularly with the student for counseling. If the problem goes beyond school-related issues, the student will be referred to licensed professional counselors (e.g., state-licensed psychiatrists, psychologists, counselors, or social workers) to receive therapy. The school provides a list of local professionals and will indicate which ones the school is familiar with. There is a depression screening tool being used in other Fairfax County schools but it is still experimental and is not being used at Langley.

What Parents Can Do
Middle school students need time to be kids; allow them to have breather time. Students at this age need time to solve problems, develop peer relationships, and learn to manage their time. Some are not mature enough to synthesize information required of honors courses and shouldn’t be pushed into them. If this is the case with your child, you need to address your child’s feelings that they don’t "get it" as quickly as their peers since they evaluate themselves in comparison to their peers. Research shows that developing early or late has little to no bearing on later success. Children at this age are screaming for boundaries. For example, Cooper has a dress code. Parents have a right to go into a child’s room; safety is more important than privacy. Parents in the audience suggested requiring students to keep their door open, or exerting your right to enter their room occasionally by going in, sitting on their bed, and talking to them. Parents also suggested putting the computer in the family room so that student surfing can be monitored.

Cynthia Meade noted that there is a fine line between advocating for and enabling your child. If we don’t let them talk for themselves, they get the message the parent doesn’t think they’re capable of it. Parents come in and say "Our homework was too much." Let students try to handle their own problems. Guidance counselors will help students rehearse how to meet with a teacher to discuss a problem in that class. The school will call the parent in if that is necessary but first the parent should give the student a chance to resolve the issue, even if it means making mistakes in doing so. Many times students want us to listen to them but not solve their problems for them.

Susan Gorin noted that toddlers and teens are very similar: they push you away but need you more than ever. They need your support and your rules. Listen to what they have to say. Ask if something is bothering them, and assure them you won’t use the information against them. She noted that children who are contemplating suicide tell others of their intent; watch for those signals, particularly if they are giving up things that used to be fun for them. Help your child get enough sleep, eat right, and get exercise. Social and emotional aspects of a child’s life must be in balance to enhance learning. She cautioned parents about getting advice from web sites. There is a lot of information available, but not all of it is vetted. She suggested consulting the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry’s web site, www.AACAP.org, and that of the National Association of School Psychologists, www.NASPonline.org, where parents can find fact sheets on anxiety, depression, medication, and many other topics.

Kids keep their same values as they grow older so it is important that they understand your values and see you live by them. Students need to see their parents take care of themselves, balance their time, and manage their own stress. Students may move away from friends who go in a different direction (i.e., go to drinking parties on weekends) if the student was brought up in a family where underage drinking was considered unacceptable.