On November 30, 2004, Longfellow Middle School’s Guidance Department held a panel discussion on stress, how its affects students and what parents can do. Greg Hood, Director of Student Services at Longfellow, began the evening by stating that stress is a big issue at Longfellow. Students try to do too many things and exhibit emotional and physical consequences. Panel members then introduced themselves: Catherine McCarthy, a child psychiatrist in McLean; Barbara Cackler, a former Longfellow parent; Mitchell Kamins, a Longfellow guidance counselor; Andy Mahoney, a counselor at Herndon and officer in the National Association for Gifted Children; and Barbara Burnett, a Longfellow math teacher, former Longfellow parent, and sponsor of the Math Counts team.

The Problem
Dr. McCarthy said she sees a lot of anxiety disorders, ADHD, and depression in middle school students. While some anxiety allows you to set goals and provides the impetus to plan ahead, too much anxiety can be harmful. Psychological problems increase more for girls at puberty. In elementary school, girls do better than boys; in middle school, boys catch up but girls still hold their own. Mitch Kamins noted that stress is getting larger for today’s middle schoolers; it is more overwhelming for students than it was before.

Signs of Excessive Stress and Depression
Students vary greatly in their ability to tolerate stress. Those who are unable to manage their stress are likely to manifest their difficulty in one or more of the following ways. They do not enjoy things they used to enjoy. They are too focused on school, appear crippled by mistakes, imagine the worst, and ask for reassurance all the time. They fear they will let their parents and friends down. They express sadness, change their behaviors, start hanging out with different friends, and may turn to alcohol and drugs. They can’t sleep, don’t eat, are forgetful, and don’t follow through. The light goes out of their eyes. They may get physically ill.

Services Available at the School
Once a student is identified as suffering from stress, he/she can receive individual or group counseling. If the problem extends beyond school-related issues, or is more chronic, school staff will refer the student to outside sources for long-term help.

What Parents Can Do
Barbara Cackler said it is important to program down time into a student’s schedule. Mitch Kamins agreed, saying that children need to play; they have to have some free time just to be themselves. Andy Mahoney suggested that parents examine their own value system and expectations. Learn their children’s strengths and weaknesses. Even gifted children are rarely gifted in all subjects so expecting A’s in all subjects may be generating undue pressure.
Let kids learn how to do the work on their own. Children this age are naturally forgetful. Rather than nag, provide structure at home: a regular time and place for them to do their homework. Make sure they have a homework folder so they know what their assignments are and where their work is. Parents are too dependent on verbal messages; it is better to write an instruction down or have the child write it down. If it is time for them to take out the trash and they are not doing it, walk them through the task and let them know you expect them to do it on their own the next time.

Don’t let children have a computer in their room. Instead, have it in a central place where they can be monitored. Set hours for computer use but don’t worry if multiple screens are open and they are jumping back and forth; that is the nature of kids these days.
Family time is very important. Make it clear to your children that it is important to you to have dinner together at least a few times a week. While they may appear to resent it at the time, family time pays off. Set aside some time each week just for the family to be together. Whether you play a board game or play touch football, these times help the family bond and provide strength in times of stress.
Listen to your children and listen for their feelings. Be solution-focused: what can we do? Let them make decisions wherever possible, such as whether to apply for and attend Thomas Jefferson High School for Science and Technology.

For children with test anxiety, first validate their angst. Look for how they are distorting reality. Give evidence for and against their sense of catastrophe. Examine whether you are stressed over the exam, such as the SOLs; perhaps you are concerned about their passing that exam and your child senses your concern. Look at whether the test anxiety is only in certain subjects, only with timed tests, only with standardized tests, etc. If the anxiety is limited, it may be easier to identify and address the underlying cause.

When is medication an appropriate option? Dr. McCarthy said that while there is some evidence of a slight increase in suicidal behavior from antidepressants, the dramatic decline in suicide rates is due in part to the availability of antidepressants. Research has shown the Prozac and therapy together are more beneficial than therapy alone or any other medication. For anxiety disorders, medication can be very effective, but cognitive therapy may also be effective.

Sources for Additional Information
The panel mentioned Different Minds by Deirdre Lovecky and Misdiagnosis and Dual Diagnoses of Gifted Children and Adults by James T. Webb. Another useful tool is Straight Talk about Psychiatric Medications for Kids by Timothy E. Wilens. The www.counselingthegifted.com web site contains a list of recommended books.