Safe Community Coalition Newsletter
for McLean & Great Falls community members interested in a safe, alcohol and drug-free environment for our youth
Parent volunteers are needed to help organize SCC programs. To volunteer or ask for information, send a message to scc@crosslink.net.
President's Message
On May 4 we recognized the 94 students and 78 adults who helped implement our many programs this past year. In this article I welcome the opportunity to thank the SCC board members who helped identify and manage the programs listed elsewhere in this issue in the annual report:
Diane Pechstein for managing the Forestville/Colvin Run/Potomac 6th Grade Ethics Day and for chairing the Nominating Committee.
Cameron Edgar for managing the Teen Summit and the preschool parent speaker.
Sherry Wells for managing Project Hospitality and the annual awards reception, and for serving on the Nominating Committee and the Evaluation Team
Kim Mackay for taking minutes and managing the Kent Gardens/Franklin Sherman/Timber Lane 6th Grade Ethics Day
Evelyn Fox for managing the Chesterbrook/Great Falls 6th grade Ethics Day, helping to initiate after school recreational programs at Timber Lane, and taking notes at two board meetings.
Irv Auerbach for maintaining our financial records, serving as Publicity Chair, helping mail the newsletters, and handling many miscellaneous matters
Susan Gorin for serving on the Evaluation Team
Marilyn Seiber for arranging the parent talk on Female Teens: Sexual Health and Risky Behavior.
Sharon Burdick for arranging the presentation by Barbara Coloroso
Connie Beyer for arranging the cyber-bullying parent talk
Mimi Weisberg for managing the Middle School Forum.
Eileen Culligan for managing the Administrator/Staff reception and supporting many other SCC programs.
Allison Mulligan for helping to implement the Tiger Fitness and After School Clubs at Timber Lane
Laura Zoll for managing the Vision Warrior presentation and assisting with the Middle School Forum
Susy Rothschild for managing the SCC email box and assisting at the Teen Summit.
Elwood Howerton for managing the Coalition’s booth at McLean Day.
Tracey Schulman and Rolly Prager for managing the Student Connection program.
David Moody, Shaan Singh, Kathleen Clement, Flo King, Esabel Khoury, and Helen Li for coordinating the Student Connection program, facilitating the Teen Summit, and facilitating the Middle School Forum.
Sue King for serving as elementary liaison.
Tricia Malloy for serving as private school liaison
Joan Packer for representing Longfellow Middle School and having the Longfellow Peer Mediation Team assist with the Elementary Mediation Workshop.
Jean Wacaster for serving as the liaison from McLean High School and working to implement the Lounge after-school drop-in program.
Michele Boak for serving as the liaison from Cooper Middle School and coordinating the Cooper/Forestville tutoring program
Dave Stevenson for serving as the liaison with McLean Youth and helping to initiate the Timber Lane Tiger Fitness program
Keith Turner for serving as SCC’s business liaison and helping launch two fundraising projects.
Susan Perla for serving as the McLean High and Longfellow PTSA liaison
Mikal Pederson for maintaining the coalition mailing list
Tom Hamilton for maintaining our web site and transferring it to a new address.
Tracey Marsch Kretzer and Patricia Purcell for working with the schools to process Safe and Drug Free Youth grant applications. Tracey also managed the Prom Notes program and is arranging the Responsive Classroom training this summer.
Sheri Berman joined SCC in late November as its first-ever staff member. Sheri's title is Director of Community Relations. She has excelled in establishing relationships with the business, faith, mental health, and sports communities during her short tenure. She has taken advantage of virtually every opportunity to learn about SCC and the McLean community. She has initiated contact with the Great Falls component of our community and succeeded to such an extent that SCC is one of two recipients of proceeds from the Great Falls Charitable Foundation Golf Classic on June 9. SCC is delighted to have Sheri join us.
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Any list creates the opportunity for omissions. I apologize for any contributions I have missed. To all, I say thank you. Our many worthwhile programs can only be implemented with a large and dedicated group of volunteers. Our organization is blessed with them, and our community is a better place as a result.
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As I step down after six years as SCC President, I am thankful to have met and worked with the fine people mentioned above. One does community volunteering for the opportunity to provide a service. In this case, I not only was able to provide that service, but I was also able to make many new friends and enjoy the interaction with all board members. I had little idea what I was getting into when Alice Starr called me six years ago and asked me to serve. I did not know how pleasant a group it would be. SCC and the schools were able to implement many, many fine programs. It is hard to know how successful these programs have been since prevention is difficult to assess. But we believe we have made a difference. The ethics and hard work of the board members are exemplary of the behavior we want from our children. If doing by example is the key to success, then most surely we have succeeded.
Jan Auerbach
Good-bye to Evelyn Fox
Evelyn Fox has announced her retirement from SCC (for the second time!) after 11 years of service. Evelyn was one of the founders of the organization and served as its president for two years. She initiated many of SCC's ongoing youth programs (Student Connection, Elementary Mediation Workshop, Middle School Forum, Middle School After School tutoring, Middle School After School program at the Teen Center, and the Teen Summit). She worked particularly closely with Timber Lane Elementary School and initiated many of its programs. Her legacy will live on but she is irreplaceable. SCC thanks her for all she has done and wishes her well.
SCC 2006-2007 Plans and Programs
The Safe Community Coalition’s vision is a community where youth learn to make responsible decisions and are safe, healthy, and free of alcohol and drug use. It accomplishes this vision through programs for youth and parents, and through community collaboration.
Ongoing Programs TC \l2 "
Youth Programs
Annual recognition program of adult and student volunteers in SCC programs
Student Connection, a welcome program for high school transfer students
Teen Crisis Cards with emergency phone numbers for middle and high school students
Grant for McLean/Longfellow, McLean/Timber Lane, and Langley/Cooper tutoring programs
Grants to McLean, Langley and TJ all-night grad parties
Grant for McLeadership program at McLean High, a freshmen/upperclass mentoring program
Grant for Langley and McLean Ethics Days
7th Grade Forum – high school students facilitate issues discussions with middle school students
Elementary Mediation Workshop – peer mediation training for elementary students
George Mason University Mediation conference for students
Sixth Grade Ethics Days
Prom Notes –reminders from elementary students to prom-goers not to drink on prom night
The Lounge after-school drop-in program at McLean High School
Timber Lane Elementary School after-school Tiger Fitness (recreation) and art and dance clubs
Parent and Family Programs
SCC Newsletter
Parenting tips - inserts for PTSA newsletters
Six-week parenting courses for parents of elementary and middle school students
Rising 7th Grade Parent program on the transition from elementary to middle school
Community Programs
SCC booth at McLean Day
Project Hospitality – collaboration among hotels, restaurants, schools and police to keep prom nights alcohol-free
Faculty-administrator reception – a networking dinner for school staff
Teen Summit –an adult-teen dialogue on issues selected by teens
Alcohol/drug adult awareness press conference
Web site redesign
School staff attendance at professional conferences
Responsive Classroom training program for teachers – incorporates character education throughout the curriculum
New Programs
In addition to its ongoing programs, each year SCC sponsors new programs, the need for which is identified at the Middle School Forum or Teen Summit, or suggested by SCC members. The following programs have been voted on as the highest priority (in priority order) for 2006-2007. The first dozen programs that are listed will definitely be planned. Whether SCC can offer the remaining programs is dependent on volunteers to manage the programs and funding. If you would like to help with any of these projects, please send us a note at scc@crosslink.net.
Speaker for parents and students on cheating, plagiarism and source citations
Elementary School Field Day – a multi-elementary school recreation day
8th Grade Forum –an opportunity for middle school students to discuss with high school students what to expect in high school
Chris Skinner, a paraplegic victim of a drunk driving accident, to speak at middle schools
Parent program on laws related to serving alcohol to minors, laws related to drinking and driving, the dangers of today’s drugs, their responsibilities regarding children’s use of alcohol and drugs, and sexual issues and drug abuse
Positive Coaching Alliance workshops for parents and coaches; promotes sportsmanship and appropriate parent behavior at sporting events
Pyramid-wide program on internet safety for middle school students
Workshop that gives parents and kids skills to communicate better
Speaker on eating disorders
Brad Sachs, a speaking on parenting issues
Internet safety speaker for middle school students, parents; include instant messaging, myspace.com, blogs, and other web sites their teens are using, as well as gang symbols so they know what to look for
Handouts on laws regarding alcohol/drugs and driving for students and parents
Forum for PTA parents, MYA/GFAA coaches, after-school activity sponsors: Signs of depression and drug use
Parents and children need to talk about the child’s schedule to help manage time and reduce stress.
Early Childhood speaker
Talk to parents about teaching children responsibility for their actions
Bullying program, with emphasis on teacher bullying and what parents can do
Rosalind Wiseman to speak to parents about her new book on parents of “queen bees”
Parent talk on the dangers of methamphetamines
9th/10th grade forum on driving, parties, cyber-bullying, etc.
Bullying by Teachers
There has been much discussion about peer bullying. However, one problem that is rarely discussed is bullying of students by teachers.
Alan McEvoy of Wittenberg University defines bullying by teachers as "a pattern of conduct, rooted in a power differential, that threatens, harms, humiliates, induces fear, or causes students substantial emotional distress."
What are the characteristics of teacher bullying? Linda Starr, EducationWorld.com's "Starr Points" writer, differentiates between bullying behavior and classroom management in the following ways:
Educators let students know they care. Bullies let students know who's boss.
Educators teach self-control. Bullies exert their own control.
Educators diffuse minor disruptions with humor.
Bullies use sarcasm to turn disruptions into confrontations.
Educators privately counsel chronic discipline problems. Bullies publicly humiliate chronic misbehavers.
Educators are judicious. Bullies are judgmental.
Educators, aware of the power they wield over their students, choose their words and actions carefully. Bullies wield their power recklessly, frequently resorting to anger and intimidation.
Educators help all students feel successful. Bullies punish students for being unsuccessful.
Educators address misbehavior. Bullies attack the character of the misbehavers.
Educators see each student's uniqueness. Bullies compare children to one another.
Educators treat all students with respect. Bullies make it clear that not all students deserve respect.
Educators highlight good behavior. Bullies make examples of poor behavior.
Professor McEvoy conducted a study of 236 high school and college-age students about their recollections during high school regarding teachers who they considered to be bullies. In response to a question, "Do you think most students in your high school would agree on which teachers bullied students?" 93% answered "yes." Respondents said bullying teachers could be male or female, but typically (89%) had been teaching five or more years. Three-quarters of the respondents thought teachers who bullied could do so without getting into any trouble.
Wittenberg reports that victims are treated in a manner that sets them apart from their peers. Peers may target them as a scapegoat. Bullied students “typically experience confusion, anger, fear, self-doubt, and profound concerns about their academic and social competences.” Perhaps the most distressing aspect of being bullied is not knowing why he or she has been targeted, or what one must do to end the bullying, Over time, if no one intervenes, the victim may blame him or her self for the abuse and feel helpless and worthless.
The Public Schools Parents Network article on “what are the signs that a child is suffering from verbal abuse?” listed the following signs:
Negative self-image: make self-deprecating comments, and be withdrawn, sullen, or depressed
Self-destructive acts: “cutting”, other forms of self-injury, and reckless activities that put the child in danger
Antisocial behavior: physical aggression, delinquency, interpersonal problems; the child may hit other children, frequently quarrel with classmates, or be cruel to animals
$ Delayed development: difficulty making friends, falling behind in school, or engage in regressive acts such as rocking, bed-wetting, and thumb-sucking.
If you are concerned that your child is exhibiting some of these symptoms, you may want to call upon a family counselor or psychologist not associated with your school to conduct an independent assessment. Your family doctor or pediatrician may give you a referral.
If you feel that your child is suffering from a bullying teacher, you should contact your school administrator or higher level school official and report the problem.
McEvoy identifies the following steps schools should take to prevent, and address, teacher bullying:
Every school should have a clear statement in its
policy and its code of professional ethics that specifies bullying behaviors as inappropriate, unprofessional, and worthy of sanction.
Each school should develop guidelines for the tracking of complaints against teachers who are alleged to bully students. Evidence may include the number of formal grievances filed and other letters of complaint over time. It may also include a pattern of informal complaints registered with department chairs or other teachers, the principal, or district officials. Evidence should also include student evaluations of teachers, particularly where patterns of questionable conduct are identified repeatedly.
Schools should provide opportunities for students whose allegations are substantiated to withdraw from a class without penalty, or to complete the class under the direction of another qualified teacher. No reference to the withdrawal should be included on the transcripts.
Orientation of new students and of new teachers should include information about bullying as a violation of policy and hence an “actionable” offense.
A consideration of bullying should be part of retention and promotion processes.
In making the bullying of students a violation of policy, bystanders who are not the targets, including other teachers and students, should be allowed to file a complaint.
Protection of the complainant and witnesses against retribution by the alleged bully should be addressed.
Sanctions for bullying should not be limited to counseling but should include a range of penalties up to, and including, dismissal.
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This article was provided to Fairfax County Public Schools for comment. We received the following reply:
“The safety of our students is the most important responsibility of our schools. Bullying is never allowed whether by a child or an adult. Adults, especially, must be role models for the behaviors we are teaching our children. Furthermore, an abusive classroom setting is not only wrong but impedes academic learning.
“Fairfax County Public Schools has procedures in place to protect students, employees and others involved in school operations from persons who might cause them harm. All incidents must be reported immediately to the principal, who will determine the most appropriate course of action. The Students Responsibilities and Rights (SR&R) booklet provides students, parents and staff with the code of conduct expected.
“All principals are to review the SR&R booklet with their faculties prior to the opening of school. Principals develop procedures to ensure that each student has an opportunity to become familiar with the SR&R. Detailed in the booklet is the student’s right to complain and procedures to use when any student believes that conduct by any individual or group creates a hostile or abusive environment. When inappropriate conduct has been determined, immediate action to end the mistreatment must be implemented.
“The Fairfax County Public Schools Department of Special Services conducts ongoing staff in-service training for schools throughout the year on Bullying awareness and prevention. These in-services include all the signs of bullying as it pertains to students, teachers and administrators.”
Girls and Depression
The following is a summary of an article entitled “Girls At Much Greater Depression Risk When Experimenting With Alcohol, Drugs And Sex” published on the PIRE website on May 26, 2006.
A new research study conducted by the Pacific Institute for Research and Evaluation’s (PIRE’s) Chapel Hill Center and funded by the National Institute on Drug Abuse, shows that, when teen-age boys and girls experiment with sex, drugs and alcohol, girls are at much greater risk of depression than boys. The study of nearly 20,000 teens showed that girls who used alcohol, tobacco and drugs only occasionally are 2½ times as likely to show signs of depression as teen girls who abstained. When girls experiment with sex, they are 3½ times as likely to experience depressive symptoms as those who abstain. If girls and boys abstain from these behaviors, their risk for depression doesn't significantly differ. At higher levels of substance abuse and sexual activity among teens, boys and girls show similar levels of depressive symptoms.
Martha Waller, Ph.D., the study's primary investigator, said "What's interesting is that just being female does not necessarily put you at a greater risk for depression, which has generally been assumed. At puberty, we see that the prevalence of depression starts to greatly increase in girls but not in boys, and this gender difference has always been attributed to developmental changes in girls such as hormonal changes. But in this study, we find that for girls who have not experimented with smoking or drinking or become sexually active, their risk for depression is no greater than males, regardless of their developmental status."
While girls experience significantly more depressive symptoms than boys at low levels of alcohol and drug use and sexual activity, boys who engage in these risk behaviors still experience more depressive symptoms than those who abstain. For both girls and boys, the depressive symptoms generally increased as risk behavior increased. Girls who used marijuana regularly were almost nine times as likely to experience depression, and those who used IV drugs were nearly 18 times as likely to suffer from depression compared to girls who did not, the study found. Boys who binge drink are about 2½ times as likely to be depressed, while those who regularly use marijuana are five times as likely, and those who use intravenous drugs are six times as likely, to show symptoms of depression compared to boys who abstain completely.
Dr. Waller noted that both substance abuse and sexual activity may alter a girl's social context, which could induce stress and change self-perceptions, both of which could contribute to depression. In addition, there may be differences in how girls and boys physically respond to substance use that help explain the sex differences. She cautioned that, while all teens engaging in higher levels of alcohol and drug use and sexual activity should be screened for depression, girls, in particular, should be screened even if they are only experimenting.
Other research last year from PIRE Chapel Hill Center showed that sex, drugs and alcohol among teens actually precede – and apparently lead to -- the onset of adolescent depression, which contradicts the common belief that depressed teens may be "self-medicating" through substance abuse and sex.
To obtain a copy of the report, contact Michelle Blackston at 301-755-2444 or mblackston@pire.org.
Education, Parenting, and Overcoming Personal Obstacles
On February 15, Colvin Run Elementary School’s PTO sponsored a talk by Manny Medrano, the Supreme Court and legal affairs correspondent for ABC News. He is a graduate of Harvard and Harvard Law School, and former Associate U.S. Attorney in Los Angeles.
Mr. Medrano said that he has tried to fulfill his mother’s wish that he spend his life trying to help people. He told the audience:
Character is the foundation of our lives and defines us as people.
Truly successful people have the confidence to be subtle, gracious, kind, and generous.
The media confuses celebrity-hood with heroism but true heroes are those that help others.
Sometimes quitting can be more courageous than continuing an activity, particularly when doing so results from putting the needs of others ahead of your own.
Don’t let pride get in the way of your relationships; mend fences, and take opportunities to set things straight with those with whom you are estranged.
Tell your children every day that you love them; too often parents think it but don’t say it; children need to hear it.
Failures build blocks to stand on; children need to believe it is permissible to fail; they need to believe that it is important to try, whether or not they succeed.
Keep looking where you are going, but don’t forget to look back and see where you have been. You can learn as much from your past as from your future.
Middle School Forum
At the Middle School Forum on March 16, high school students facilitated discussions in small groups with middle school students. At the end of the day, the high school students provided feedback on what they heard.
Middle school students were concerned about the lack of social options. Alcohol and tobacco programs in school are boring; they use old videos. Students tend to stereotype other students. They don’t feel they have adults they can talk to. They fear that even favorite teachers might call their parents about something they say.
They said the adjustment to middle school was quick but unpleasant. Going from being the older students in elementary schools to the younger of two grades in middle school is difficult. It took awhile to learn the social groundrules of acceptable behavior for 7th and 8th graders.
Most felt too young to start smoking. Some thought marijuana was more harmful than ecstasy or cocaine.
Most pressure comes from friends. They also feel pressure to live up to the achievements of older siblings.
High school students made the following suggestions to address the issues they heard:
Students need to be taught to respect differences in lifestyles, economic status, and ethnicity. Their stereotypes need to be broken.
Eating disorders are a problem for some.
Some thought uniforms would be good since students thought clothing defines popularity.
Because female-male relationships are starting, they need to understand gender differences. They also need to understand the dangers of rape.
Middle school students need opportunities for interaction with high school students who can serve as role models. Meetings once a quarter of small groups would be good. A buddy system (pairing) might also work. A high school student should come to their health classes to make those sessions more meaningful and relevant.
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While the high school students met with the middle school students, SCC board members met with 15 middle and high school staff who came as chaperones. They made the following comments and suggestions:
Cyber-Bullying and Web Sites
One issue was what constitutes cheating while IMing; e.g., one student messaging another while doing homework “What’s the answer to question 4?”
All agreed that a major issue is individual web sites, like myspace.com, and what students are posting on their site. One staffer noted that students put good stuff on their site, show their parents, and then replace the good stuff with inappropriate stuff on the correct assumption that their parents won’t look at the site again. Myspace can be used to post inappropriate pictures, sometimes intentionally and sometimes not. Students at a party will pose when a camera is pointed at them, without thinking that the picture may show up on someone’s web site with the word “slut” written next to it. Some students are not concerned about their reputation; others are devastated. Myspace can also be used to bully, such as forming an alliance to move a girl out of the group. Webshots.com is another website where kids post pictures they shouldn’t. They feel that schools can’t do anything about it because the activity is after school. If parents see the pictures, they will get pulled, but the damage is already done. The next time the students will find another site to use. It seems adults are always playing catch-up because the kids know more about the internet than the adults. Students know how to dismantle any controls or filters parents install. Students have heard about child pornographers but they don’t believe anything like that could happen to them (although there was an incident recently where an adult male posed as a female teen to gain the confidence of a McLean teen). They think only their friends will look at their site so they consider it private. They see their website as a social outlet so they can tell jokes to more people at one time. It isn’t cool if you don’t have your own website.
If teachers hear someone talk about cyber-bullying, they most likely will tell a guidance counselor who may call the parents to let them know. Because most activity occurs after school, there is little the school can do. If a student brings a downloaded hard copy of something into school and is discovered, then the school can take action.
Dress
The “in” stores like Abercrombie and American Eagle make it difficult to purchase appropriate clothing. Almost everything for girls is too tight and short and for boys is too baggy. The dress code is not specific enough to provide support so often the administration won’t back a teacher from taking action. A high school staffer said she would call the parents but sometimes the parent thinks the outfit is cute. The middle schools require students to wear their gym clothes if their outfit violates the dress code, but girls will tie the shirt at the midriff, raise the sleeves, and/or cut the neck to make it more alluring. They want to send a sexy message. “It’s a societal issue: 30 years of feminism is going down the drain.” There are students who dress appropriately and who are popular. These students have more self-confidence. Often the students who dress inappropriately are doing so to get attention.
In Loco parentis
More and more parents are working outside the home and travel frequently. They don’t know what their kids are doing. Many parents try to be a buddy to their children; they fear losing quality time with their children if they are too strict. Some kids never hear the word “no” or the importance of self-esteem and self-respect. Schools haven’t changed but families have. It is hard for schools to change 15 years of conditioning at home.
School staff offered the following suggestions to address these issues:
Need more programs for parents—perhaps a monthly seminar on different topics
The dress code needs to be county-wide and more specific so teachers can be sure of administration backing if they take action
Stress is still a big concern. Students are trying to get all A’s. Parents and children need to talk about the child’s schedule to help manage time and reduce stress.
Parents need to be educated on myspace.com, blogs, and other web sites their teens are using. Parents need to be monitoring constantly. Better safe than sorry. Parents also need to be taught gang symbols so they know what to look for.
Students need more guidance on where to draw the line between helping another student with homework and cheating.
Eating issues for both girls and boys need to be addressed.
The transition from middle to high school is tough. The group favored adding a Middle School Forum for 8th graders.
Parenting articles could go in the back-to-school packet. The packet could also contain a list of possible parent speaker topics and parents could be polled which topics were of most interest. It was felt that articles on the web would get read.
Youth N Recovery
Youth N Recovery, a Narcotics Anonymous support group for teens in recovery, meets every Wednesday at 7:00 PM at the Alexandria Community Services Board, 720 North Saint Asaph Street, second floor, room 214. For more information, contact Bradley at 703-362-0371.
Managing Conflict between Preschoolers and Adults
On May 18, SCC sponsored a talk by Carrie Hansen of the National Institute for Relationship Enhancement. The main theme of her talk was that showing understanding of the feelings behind a child’s message as well as the message itself will help diffuse the strong feelings of anger or hurt a child may be having. Parents must remain calm to remain in control. Parents must take care of themselves and their relationships to have the energy to be calm around upset children.
Identifying the child’s feelings helps the child be aware of them, label them, and cope with them. Acknowledging the feelings also helps the child build trust and confidence since he/she knows it is OK to tell a parent he/she is angry. Empathetic responding, the term used to connote communication of a child’s feelings, also helps promote a warm relationship between the parent and child.
When a child is upset, the emotion has energy that must go someplace. The parent must remain calm and should show understanding by responding to the child in a non-threatening and non-rejecting manner. If a child is afraid of the dark, the parent could say, “You’re scared when there’s no light,” and not “There’s nothing to be afraid of.” Keep reflecting back until they run out of steam. When they do, then say, “In this house, the rule is…” Showing understanding of feelings does not imply agreement or getting what they want, but does minimize the chance of him/her acting out those feelings.
When in a situation of conflict, take time to listen intently to what the child says or how he/she acts, and then identify those feelings for your child. If a child says, “That dumb Joey. He’s always taking my truck. He’s mean,” you can respond by saying, “You’re really mad at Joey! You don’t like the way he acts!” If the conflict occurs at a time when you can’t devote your full attention, tell your child so and schedule a time later when you can listen and talk—and then keep your commitment. Children are not little adults; they don’t have the same skills adults do. It is important to try to see the world through their eyes so you can understand their feelings.
Children feel most secure when there are rules, guidelines, and penalties that are enforced. They will often push to get in charge but become frightened if they are successful because they really don’t know what to do and who will protect them.
In setting rules for your child, ask if the limit is necessary for the safety of the child or others, for the protection of valuable property, or for the sanity of the parents. If so, can the limit be enforced? A rule with a penalty of having to stay in the child’s room for a month is unrealistic; the child will know that and will know not to trust you. Make sure you and your partner agree on the rule and the consequences before establishing them. Follow these steps when setting rules:
State the limit in the positive when possible so the child knows what he should do, not just what he can’t do (e.g., you may jump outside but not on the bed).
Explain the rule when you are relaxed and not angry.
State the rule and the consequences briefly and simply, so that there is no misunderstanding.
Post the rule and consequences on the fridge, even if the child can’t read. Don’t have more than three rules at a time; when one is learned, you can replace it with another. The three rules for different children may be different due to age differences and development variations among children.
Remind once, but do not keep reminding your child of the rule or else the child will learn that consequences do not get imposed until the third or fourth reminder. For example, give a five-minute warning before time is up. If they don’t stop on their own, take them by the hand and lead them away.
If the one reminder does not stop the behavior, impose the consequences.
Be consistent.
Praise your child when he/she keeps the rule
Ms. Hansen made a number of observations regarding children’s development. Children all go through the same stages, but at different rates. At age 2-2½, the favorite word for most children is no; recognize it as a stage and relax. Children of 3 and 4 can only sit about 20 minutes so activities need to be changed that frequently. A child can sit in a “thinking chair” only for the number of minutes equal to their age. Preschoolers may not have the physical or emotional development sufficient to do what you want. The challenge is to watch a child and see when he/she shows signs of being able to do something (e.g., make their bed). When you see those signs, show them how, and then tolerate for awhile their inability to do it as well as you would like. Children will move through phases faster if you don’t dwell on a behavior you don’t like. Children’s learning of math and language skills vary but tend to even out by 3-4th grade. Sixth graders are typically absent-minded, e.g., they will leave work at home or at school. Not until children are 10-13 can they identify another’s feelings. During times of trauma, such as parental separation or death of a grandparent, development will stagnate until the child works through their grief.
Ms. Hansen suggested two books for parents: Dibs in Search of Self by Virginia Axline, and Parenting: A Skills Training Manual by Louise Guerney. The latter is available for $19.95 by calling the National Institute for Relationship Enhancement at 301-986-1479.
Teen Summit
Each year SCC sponsors a Teen Summit for teens from McLean, Langley and Potomac high schools and for adults in the community. Twenty students and 34 adults attended this year’s Summit, held on February 4. A summary of the discussion and recommendations follow.
Pre-College and Process Stress
Parents need to realize that a college should be the best fit for the child, not the most prestigious “prize” for kids (or parents). The admissions challenge is even greater for families from other countries who are not familiar with the US system.
There is a disconnect between academic expectations, and what employers actually want. There is the perception that brand-name colleges are the key to future success, but that is not often the case.
Stress starts in middle school – to get good grades, get into GT programs, honors, etc.
Safe Social Alternatives & Understanding Your Place
Alcohol parties are not school wide, but usually involve the same few groups. They typically are held at homes where parents away.
Reason for alcohol abuse: students (especially shy students) feel they won’t have fun if they don’t drink. Also, parents/adults who abuse alcohol at their parties set a bad example.
Recommendations:
After games, especially the McLean/Langley football game, hold a “Battle of the Bands” party at a neutral location
Advertise dry parties; make parents aware of them.
The McLean Community Center is the best location in McLean to provide a safe environment/place for teen activities.
Educate parents about serving alcohol to minors: $500.00 per person fine for serving alcohol to a minor.
Parents need to set an example of responsible drinking
Activities need to be student driven. Encourage students to support student events.
Focus alcohol/drug prevention messages at middle school students before they reach high school.
Bullying
Bullying is mostly physical for males and psychological for females
Psychological bullying can involve spreading rumors, internet threats, and formations of cliques.
Bullying is not widespread but is distracting to the educational experience and causes victims to feel badly about themselves.
Recommendations:
Write articles in school newspapers.
Get kids, particularly student leaders, to talk to kids
Alcohol and Drugs
More and more drinking in junior and senior years, maybe in freshmen and sophomore years as well
Fake IDs are very prevalent—are laminated, can get templates—easy to get them from seniors and older siblings, although counties and states are making them more difficult to duplicate
Kids steal alcohol from their parents; parents don’t realize their liquor is so available
Parents take keys away from students coming to a party and then disappear; parent supervision of a party should be a must
Drug deals occur right in classes; dealers are in the school and in the area; they are known entities and not strangers
Marijuana and prescription drugs like ataral are the most common drugs
Students with legitimate prescriptions share their drugs with others
Drug education in the schools is not considered effective
The current drugs in schools are crack, pot, cigarettes, and ecstasy but no heroin, or meth.
Some parents are away working and are not in touch with their children for days; Even when not traveling, parents are busy working and are not aware of what their children are doing; they are in denial that the child could be doing something illegal
Closeness of family is a positive factor but even some involved parents are naïve as to what is going on; open relationships with parents are not the norm
Recommendations:
Energize parents to the problem; sensitize them to what is going on
Talk to lower grades, before high school
Safe Prom Week
Taking Care of Yourself (Mental & Physical Health)
Eating Disorders
Males as well as females are affected
Athletic weight considerations (wrestling, football, crew)
Problem exists even at elementary school level
HS athletic trainers keep track of Body Mass Index (BMI) to reduce/eliminate weight gain or loss problems; trainers track and monitor athletes’ injuries to prevent returning to sport too soon
If students saw someone purging in a bathroom they might not report it to school staff but might try to talk with the student
Name calling based on body shape/weight (too heavy or too thin)
Mental Health
Depression likely to be reported? Probably not – easy to mask it. Even kids suffering from it don’t necessarily know they have it.
Self Mutilation (“Cutting”)
Perception is that “only Goths” do it
Happens after school, not at school
Not as prevalent as it was a few years ago
General Health
Health component of 10th grade PE: focus is more on the dangers of drugs/alcohol and not so much on basic health and nutrition.
Home life – cultural differences, adults at home are overlooking diet, eating habits
Health is not a high priority for teenagers
Recommendations:
Bring high school alumni back to schools to talk to kids about eating disorders, depression, etc.
Continue Wellness Week at high schools
Provide more opportunities for exercise outside of sports – boys have more opportunities (pick-up games) than girls
Parents should discuss nutrition and fitness when children are young
Peer Pressure
There is peer pressure to get good grades, to conform to a group’s “activity” or image, to drink or have sex, to submit to certain fashions, or to conform to other social pressures from movies and Hollywood.
There is a good acceptance of persons who wish not to conform. However, many students feel the need to be accepted and therefore conform in some ways
Recommendations:
Mentor middle school students by high school students to confront the problem of peer pressure before high school.
Strict enforcement of rules set by coaches re: drinking and partying.
School administrators and student leaders should use positive peer pressure to encourage obedience to rules
Encourage parents to develop rules and understandings that help students avoid or be extricated from bad situations such as having agreements that students can call home anytime and ask to be picked up. Students can say, “my parents made me come home.”
Underage Drinkers Spent 17.5 Percent of Total Alcohol Sales
The following article appeared in the May 18, 2006 edition of CADCA Online.Underage drinkers accounted for at least $22.5 billion of consumer spending on alcohol in 2001; that amount is 17.5% of the total money spent on alcohol that year. These figures were published in an article in the May 1 issue of the Archives of Pediatrics and Adolescent Medicine, conducted by researchers at The National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse (CASA) at Columbia University. The report also showed that 25.9 percent of underage drinkers meet the clinical criteria for alcohol abuse and addiction—more than two and one-half times the percentage of adult drinkers.
Former U.S. Surgeons General Julius Richmond (under President Carter), Antonia Novello (under President George H. W. Bush), and David Satcher (under Presidents Clinton and George W. Bush) and former First Lady Betty Ford have joined Califano and CASA in calling for federal regulation of the alcohol industry’s advertising and marketing practices.
Other findings in the study include:
Alcohol abuse and addiction cost the nation an estimated $220 billion in 2005 – more than cancer ($196 billion) and obesity ($133 billion).
Each day more than 13,000 children and teens take their first drink.
The 25.9 percent of underage drinkers who are alcoholics and alcohol abusers consume 47.3 percent of alcohol drunk by underage drinkers.
Children and teens who begin drinking before age 15 are four times more likely to become alcohol-dependent than those who do not drink before age 21.
For more information on this study, visit www.casacolumbia.org.
Video Game Promotes Bullying
The following article by Robert Brumfield, Assistant Editor, eSchool News, is reprinted from the March 21 issue of E-School News On-Line.
The maker of the controversial video game Grand Theft Auto is reportedly set to release a new game, Bully, that some officials believe will lead to increased violence on school campuses. The Miami-Dade School Board in Florida has taken local action to limit the sale of the game to minors.
As originally reported in The Miami Herald newspaper, a resolution passed by the Miami-Dade School Board on March 16 urged retailers not to sell Bully to minors and directed the district to inform parents "on the potential harmful effects to children of playing interactive video games containing violence." The resolution is believed to be the first such action taken against Bully by a major school district. But as more school leaders become aware of the game, districts around the nation could take similar action.
Little is known about the new game, as companies such as Rockstar Games and its parent company, Take-Two Interactive Software Inc., the maker of Bully, are routinely quiet about the content of a major release until it hits the shelves. But Bully is said to take place in a school, and players reportedly are permitted to act as bullies, using slingshots and other weapons to commit violent acts against schoolmates.
The Entertainment Software Rating Board (ESRB), a self-regulatory ratings organization for video games established by the Entertainment Software Association, independently applies and enforces ratings, advertising guidelines, and online privacy principles adopted by the computer and video game industry. The organization notes on its web site that it has a two-part ratings system consisting of a ratings symbol that indicates the age-appropriateness of the game in question, as well as content descriptors that indicate the elements in the game that led to a particular rating or that might be of interest to concerned parties. Rockstar Games has not yet submitted Bully for rating.
For more information, see Miami-Dade County Public Schools http://www.dadeschools.net, Rockstar Games http://www.rockstargames.com, Center for the Prevention of School Violence http://www.cpsv.org, and Entertainment Software Rating Board http://www.esrb.org.
Youth Survey Results
Fairfax County’s 2005 Youth Behavior Survey results will become available soon after this issue of the SCC newsletter is issued. Although those results are not yet available, there is positive news on the national front. The two major national youth behavior surveys, the Pride Survey and the Monitoring for the Future Survey, both show a continuation in the gradual decline in 30-day alcohol and drug use by teens.
For illicit drugs, including marijuana, the Pride Survey found an 11% decline, and the Monitoring the Future Survey (MTF) found a 7% drop in the number of high school seniors using illicit drugs on a regular basis. The Pride Surveys National Summary found that 30-day prevalence of any illicit drug use by 12th graders fell from 25.4% in 2000 to 22.5% in the school year that ended in June 2005 - an 11% relative decrease. MTF showed a similar downturn, from 24.9% to 23.1% - a 7% relative decrease.
For alcohol, use by 10th and 12th graders is down 19% since 2000. However, consumption is still high. In 2005, 17% of 8th graders, 33% of 10th graders, and 47% of 12th graders reported consuming alcohol at least once during the previous 30 days.
To view the complete results, go to www.PrideSurveys.com and www.MonitoringtheFuture.org.
The Normal Child
Below are characteristics, compiled by the Oregon State University Extension Service in Middle Childhood and Adolescent Development, of the "typical" child during each developmental stage from middle childhood through early and middle adolescence (ages 8-18). They note that a child’s progression through these stages is determined not only by biological growth and change, but also by temperament and personality, adult expectations, and social influences. Despite that caution, the list is useful as a way of distinguishing capabilities at each stage.
MIDDLE CHILDHOOD (ages 8-11)
Physical Growth
Period of uneven growth of bones, muscles, and organs can result in awkward appearance.
Early onset of puberty can present difficulties for girls; for boys, it can result in adult expectations more appropriate for older boys.
Since some adolescents begin puberty during middle childhood, children need access to information about sexuality and puberty prior to the middle-school years.
Cognitive Stage
Logical thinking with limited ability to extend logic to abstract concepts; disdain for imaginative and illogical thinking of early childhood.
Accumulation of much general knowledge.
Gradual development of ability to apply learned concepts to new tasks.
Frequent interest in learning life skills (cooking, fixing things, etc.) from adults at home and elsewhere.
Moral Development
Predominantly egocentric in thinking, although has developed a conscience.
Moves from thinking in terms of "What's in it for me" fairness (e.g., if you did this for me, I would do that for you), to wanting to gain social approval and live up to the expectations of people close to them -- "golden rule" morality (can take perspective of others, may place needs of others over own self-interest).
Moral thinking abilities not always reflected in children's behaviors.
Self-Concept
Influenced by relationships with family members, teachers, and increasingly by peers.
Often relatively low level of concern about physical appearance (especially boys), although this is influenced by peers as well as the media.
Many boys experience pressure to conform to "masculine" stereotype.
Girls' body image declines precipitously with puberty, especially with early onset.
Early onset of puberty is also associated with lower self-control and emotional stability, especially for boys.
Psychological and Emotional Traits
Need to develop a sense of mastery and accomplishment.
Frequent interest in making plans and achieving goals.
Learning from parents and others to do, make, and fix things.
Tendency to be disorganized and forgetful.
Relationship to Parents and Other Adults
Tends to be closely attached to parental figures.
Parents commonly make most decisions affecting child, with child involvement in decisions increasing with age.
Most frequent conflicts over sibling quarrels and forgetfulness with respect to chores, schoolwork, and messiness, especially of child's bedroom.
Parental listening skills become increasingly important.
Parent-child communication patterns can change with puberty. Many adolescents report that (a) they can't talk with parents about issues related to sexuality, and (b) they don't get needed information in sex education courses at school.
Peer Relationships
Friendships often with same-gender peers, usually based on proximity, common interest/hobbies, or other perceived commonalities. Girls usually have fewer, but emotionally closer, friends than boys.
Formation of exclusive "clubs" and shifting peer alliances common.
Media influences and popular culture increasingly impact children's peer activities and relationships.
EARLY ADOLESCENCE (ages 11-14)
Physical Growth
Wide variation in onset of puberty and growth spurt.
Appetite increases during growth spurts and decreases markedly between them.
Increased need for sleep.
Evident sexual development, voice changes, and increased body odor are common.
Cognitive Stage
Individual variation between some children who are still focused on logic and others who are able to combine logical and abstract thinking.
Some early adolescents can't think ahead to consequences of their actions.
Developing new thinking skills, such as thinking more about possibilities, thinking more abstractly, thinking more about the process of thinking itself, thinking in multiple dimensions, and seeing things as relative rather than absolute.
Practicing new thinking skills through humor and by arguing with parents and others. Use of humor focused on satire, sarcasm, and sex (often irritating to adults).
Moral Development
Continuing egocentrism. Often believes self to be invulnerable to negative events.
Increasing ability to take perspective of others into account with own perspective.
In addition to concern about gaining social approval, morals begin to be based on respect for the social order and agreements between people: "law and order" morality.
Begins to question social conventions and re-examine own values and moral/ethical principles, sometimes resulting in conflicts with parents.
Self-Concept
Self-image can be challenged by body changes during puberty and social comparisons.
Youth begin long-term process of establishing own identity separate from family.
With the onset of puberty, many girls experience pressure to conform to gender stereotypes, might show less interest in math and science.
With puberty, normal increases in girls' body fat can impact body image and self-concept negatively for many.
Both boys and girls might be concerned with skin problems, height, weight, and overall appearance.
Psychological and Emotional Traits
Intense self-focus.
Worrying about what others think about them.
Increased desire for privacy and sensitivity about body.
Frequent mood swings with changes in activities and contexts. Too much time spent alone can contribute to moodiness.
Height of forgetfulness.
Relationship to Parents and Other Adults
Changes in own and parental expectations alter previous patterns of relationships with parents, often resulting in greater conflict.
Greater focus on peer friendships as youth develops an identity outside of the role of a child in a family.
Often rebuffs physical affection (but still needs it).
Increased interest in making own decisions; benefits from increased opportunities to make own decisions within scope of current abilities.
Youth objects more often to parental limitations (but still needs some), resulting in conflict.
New thinking abilities are practiced in increased use of humor and arguments (or "talking back") with parents/other adults, which may result in conflicts.
Parental listening skills and nurturing continue to be important.
Peer Relationships
Changes due to puberty and peer reactions commonly alter peer relationships.
Friendships still begin with perceived commonalities, but increasingly involve sharing of values and personal confidences.
Might develop cliques of three to six friends (usually same gender), providing greater sense of security. Antisocial cliques can increase antisocial behaviors.
Romantic crushes common, and some dating begins.
MIDDLE ADOLESCENCE (ages 15-18)
Physical Growth
Most youth have entered or completed puberty.
Less variation in levels of growth and sexual development.
Many youth have achieved their full adult height and other adult physical development milestones.
Cognitive Stage
Major broadening of thinking abilities for many youth: can think abstractly and hypothetically; can discern the underlying principles of various phenomena and apply them to new situations; and can think about the future, considering many possibilities and logical outcomes of possible events.
Greater perspective-taking ability can result in increased empathy and concern for others, and new interest in societal issues for many.
Moral Development
Less egocentric with age. Increased emphasis on abstract values and moral principles.
Increased ability (for some) to take another's perspective; can see the bigger societal picture and might value moral principles over laws: "principled" morality.
Different rates of cognitive and emotional development. For example, often advocates for specific values and violates them at the same time.
Self-Concept
Process of identity formation is intense. Experiment-ation with different roles: looks, sexuality, values, friendships, ethnicity, and especially occupations.
Some girls might experience obsessive dieting or eating disorders, especially those who have higher body fat, are chronically depressed, or who have highly conflicted family relationships.
Minority youths might explore several patterns of identity formation: a strong ethnic identity, bi-cultural identity, ssimilation into the majority culture, and alienation from the majority culture
Psychological and Emotional Traits
For some, increased ability to empathize with others; greater vulnerability to worrying, depression, and concern for others, especially among girls.
Many show an increase in responsible behaviors.
Relationship to Parents and Other Adults
Conflicts with parents often decreases with age.
Improved ability to see parents as individuals and take their perspectives into account.
Most maintain good relationship with parents.
Greater interest in taking on "adult-type" responsibilities (own checking account, doing own laundry, buying own clothes, cooking meals, making repairs, etc.).
Commonly makes most of own decisions, preparing for eventual family.
Needs balance between time spent with adults and with peers.
Continue to benefit from some parental limits and monitoring, while often objecting to them.
Common conflicts over money, curfews, chores, appearance, and activities with peers.
Peer Relationships
Peers help youth explore and develop own identity.
Cross-gender friendships become more common.
Antisocial peer groups can increase antisocial behaviors.
Close friendships help youth with process of developing an individual identity separate from that of a child in a family.
Annual Awards Reception
On May 4, SCC recognized 78 adults and 94 students for their involvement in SCC programs over the past year. Awardees are:
Financial contributors
Charlotte Potashnik, John and Janet Tysse, Bill and Annamarie Licamele, David and Sandra Sellers, Mr. and Mrs. Frederic V. Malek, Jean Schiro-Zavela and Vance Zavela, Michelle Kosse and Keith Burt, Renate Scozia of Café Oggi, Ed and Susy Rothschild, Mr. and Mrs. David E. Gunter, George Kapetanakis of McLean Family Restaurant, Paul and Margaret Gilhooley, Herb Walter and Mary Claire Mahaney, Mike Gorman of Corus Realty, Dave Stevenson, David and Susan Gorin, Delegate Vince Callahan, Ann Seaman of Seawood Homes, and West*Group (Gerald T. Halpin, Keith Turner, Debbie Moser, Simon Romano, Bill Rucker, and Kirsten Agee)
Faculty/Staff
McLean High: Paul Wardinski, Jean Wacaster, Michael Click, and Helen Stephan
Langley High: Bill Clendaniel,Peter Uncles, Gail Bigio, Justin Dickerson, and Jennifer Baldesare
Longfellow Middle: Greg Hood, Estelle Brauer, and Joan Packer
Cooper Middle: Michele Boak, David Witte, and Tina Fisher
Chesterbrook: Sue King, and Sarah D'Elia
Forestville: Matt Harris, Susan Kim, and Sarah Braun
Colvin Run: Marlene Guroff
Potomac: Geoff Jones, Kerry Kirk
Great Falls: Monica Crossley
Timber Lane: Diane Connolly, Lana McNulty, Adam Mohning, Keneika Gaines, and Mary Tam
Kent Gardens: Brenda Bandy, Laura Van Eepoel, Melanie McClure, and Rebecca Boyer
Franklin Sherman: Nonie Spevacek, Marty Smith, Pat Bunting, Rose Kraus
Volunteers and speakers
Teen Summit: Bill Regan and Julie White
Female Teen Health: Marian Gutierrez, M.D.
Open Mic Night, Color Wars: Michelle Sandler